Monday, July 24, 2006

More letters...

Back by popular demand, here's the letter I really liked. As something of a disclaimer: (1) this is perhaps the saddest letter I have ever read, which is partially why it's so funny; and (2) I have done my very best to exactly duplicate the original punctuation, spelling, attempts at subject/verb agreement, etc... For example, apparently this young Jane Austen didn't feel it necessary to use many periods. Also, she inserted random words that, for the life of me, I cannot interpret in the context of what she is saying. Just so you know.
Jarron,

hey baby whats good? well not too much here just sitting here thinking about you like always but baby you know I love you so much but we have to do something like you said to keep our relationship interesting you know? Cause if we want what we have to grow we can't let our flame go out we have to keep the flame going. you know everyday i think about us and our future together you just earlier today i was thinking about what i would be like if we was to get married in a couple year, and what our kids would look like. and as i look at us i long for that future for us, and i know we do all the things i do like talking to my friends on the phone probally erk your nerves because it easy to talk to them when you see them all day, then talk on the phone all day and night, you say what i'm saying like you was saying before maybe we shouldn't talk or be around each other much and see what happens give it a little space. because i love you and i dont want to lose you because we done got tired of each other. or maybe we should make a list stuff we like about each other or dislike, cause then we can change some things but you have to be willing to do this. baby give me some ideas on how we can make what have last, for like forever! i want you to be the guy i marry spend the rest of my life with you and only you, and have the perfect life of love and happiness. but first we have to start with now we have to work on the trust issue too. but we'll talk more on it later. baby i have a lot of stuff i have to get over and i need you to take time with me cause i know you expect me to act all grown and stuff but i can't do that all the time. you know i been through a lot of s*** that you don't know about and i been trying to tell you for the longest but i'm scared. baby i'm scared to tell anybody, and it's not because of you it's because of me and i need you to be there for me. to let me know everything is going to be ok even though times might not be so good. i just need you to love me like no one else does. all i want is love and a little attention. baby it's crazy how much i love you. i love you so much you couldn't ever know. and baby as for the whole prom thing well i feel that you really dont want me to go but i decided to go anyway cause i wanted to go and i think the only real reason you want to help Pearl is because you want to watch me because you think i'm up to something but i'm just going to have fun, pretend i'm a friends girl because i'm just nice i guess because he's a little well you know, and basically kick it with my "2005" friends together 1 last time thats it. but you say thats not why but it doesnt matter either way cause i want to be with i just want you to trust me and my judgement and let me go, and don't be mad ok! i mean you get to spend all my free time with me now i just want to kick it with my peoples! [Note: author changes pen color from black to purple at this point] But I had make a change just to end this so bye BABY. I LOVE U!

Love You Always,
[Name withheld to protect the naive]

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Letters from the Underground

As I have mentioned earlier on this blog, I work at a used textbook warehouse. Sometimes, students tuck pictures, ticket stubs, or letters into their textbooks, but forget to take those things out before they sell their books back. (We even found a birth certificate once!) Our favorites to find, though, are letters. Below are two of the choicest letters we have found so far. (If you like these, I have another, but it's much longer.)

Disclaimer: I am not making these up, and I am typing them verbatim from the originals, even retaining spelling and grammar errors. Enjoy!


Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
--Jill
I KNOW IN THE PAST I'VE CAUSE YOU PAIN, AND I'M SORRY. AND I'LL ALWAYS BE SORRY TILL THE DAY I DIE. AND I HATE THIS PEN I'M HOLDING, BECAUSE I SHOULD BE HOLDING YOU. I HATE THIS PAPER UNDER MY HAND BECAUSE IT ISN'T YOU. I EVEN HATE THIS LETTER BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH. BECAUSE THE WHOLE TRUTH IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A LETTER CAN EVEN SAY. IF YOU WANNA HATE ME, GO AHEAD. IF YOU WANNA BURN THIS LETTER, DO IT. YOU COULD BURN THE WHOLE WORLD DOWN. YOU COULD TELL ME TO GO TO HELL. I'D GO. IF YOU WANTED ME TO. AND I'D SEND YOU A LETTER FROM THERE.

Sincerely--
Jordan

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