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Today I saw (injured Tight End for the Huskers) Matt Herion on campus. I really wanted to ask him if he knew when he would be able to play again, so, after much internal conflict I did. He said that he had no idea.

Of course, that much doesn't make a very interesting story, so my question is this: how nerdy is it that most of my internal conflict centered on whether I would be making the mistake that Mr. Collins made with Mr. Darcy (in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice) by, not knowing Mr. Herion, nevertheless introducing myself to him?

For an assignment for my writing class, we had to write an evaluative essay. I chose to review the new coffee shop on 11th and O, Scooter's Coffeehouse. We all passed our essays around the class so that we were all reading and evaluating as many of the other essays as we could during the period. We were all supposed to write one positive comment and one negative comment. Even though our comments were supposed to be unique to what people before us had written, I received two comments on my use of parentheses, my favorite being: "Seemingly overwhelming use of parentheses." I thought that was pretty funny.
Dear Abby--
In one of my classes, I sit by a guy who constantly turns to me during class, smiles (as if at a joke--it's not like he's hitting on me (thankfully)), and mumbles something so softly that I can't even tell always if he's actually saying something. I usually smile to suggest that (1) I found whatever he was laughing at funny from the beginning, too; (2) I heard his commentary; and (3) I found his commentary even more funny so that something substantial was added to my classroom experience by his mumblings.

Abby, I find my classmate distracting and annoying; what should I do about this?

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Dear Distracted and Annoyed,

Next time you want me to speak up, please tell me rather than posting it on the internet.


Also, your letter has a seemingly overwhelming use of parentheses.

The next time you want to give me a heart attack, just make it easy on me and slip some kind of drug to do so in my drink or something.

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