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The Pelagian Drinking Song

(also titled ‘Song of the Pelagian Heresy for the Strengthening of Men’s Backs and the very Robust Outthrusting of Doubtful Doctrine and the Uncertain Intellectual’)

Pelagius lived at Kardanoel
And taught a doctrine there
How whether you went to heaven or hell
It was your own affair;
How whether you found eternal joy
Or sank forever to burn,
It had nothing to do with the Church, my boy,
But was your own concern.

Oh, he didn't believe
In Adam and Eve
He put no faith therein!
His doubts began
With the Fall of Man
And he laughed at Original Sin.
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
He laughed at original sin.

Then came the bishop of old Auxerre
Germanus was his name
He tore great handfuls out of his hair
And he called Pelagius shame.
And with his stout Episcopal staff
So thoroughly whacked and banged
The heretics all, both short and tall --
They rather had been hanged.

Oh he whacked them hard, and he banged them long
Upon each and all occasions
Till they bellowed in chorus, loud and strong
Their orthodox persuasions.
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
Their orthodox persuasions.

Now the faith is old and the devil bold
Exceedingly bold indeed.
And the masses of doubt that are floating about
Would smother a mortal creed.
But we that sit in a sturdy youth
And still can drink strong ale
Let us put it away to infallible truth
Which always shall prevail.

And thank the Lord
For the temporal sword
And howling heretics too.
And all good things
Our Christendom brings
But especially barley brew!
With my row-ti-tow
Ti-oodly-ow
Especially barley brew!

-- Hilaire Belloc

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Did this song make it on the set list of the Death to Orthodoxy Tour?

No, but "Augustine = Hitler" and "Drop the Bombs" did. (For those utterly confused, don't worry about it: it's not worth the time explaining.)

That'll be a great song to sing whilst drinking our Semi-Pelagian Pale Ale.

And how!

(Shing better be getting floor plans drawn up for that place and stuff...I mean, what else do interns have to do?)

Definitely. I mean, he gets the whole summer off, so I would expect floor plans, beer logos, menus, and maybe even some more drinking songs from him by this fall at the latest.

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