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Perseverance of the Saints

I realized that this will be the fiftieth post on this blog (or something like that), so I wanted to make it extra special. Thus, I'm going to include some of the spam that I get--after all, it brightens my day!

You see, after some of my legitimate e-mail (in my Yahoo! account - jgerber_02@yahoo.com) ended up in my bulk mail folder, I have been forced to check absolutely every message I got to make sure that I wasn't deleting anything important. But, as much as I thought this was going to be a pain, I've have really been enjoying some of the spam subject lines I skim--there are really stupid people out there sending these things. So, I wanted to share my spam with you, because one man's junk mail is another man's treasure.

  • "Everyone need this Jimsen12" - Jimsen12? Are they really thinking I'll open this and read it?
  • "Notice About Your 2004 Military Benefits" - Thanks guys! You see, Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still have not received my paycheck and they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it. So, it's good to finally get this official notice to straighten everything out.
  • "Be Careful with this information" - Thanks for the heads-up. I will take the utmost care with this information. Baleeted!
  • "Advance in Pay; On the Way" - Hmmmm. Obviously these spammers don't have a sophisticated enough system to realize that I am an English major and therefore able to use a semicolon properly.
  • "Imagine sweaty young army guys is naked-male bootcamp" - I guess it's good sometimes that I don't have a very good imagination.
  • "Delivery Confirmation #3658-VACC6735" - Yes! My fondue pot is on the way!
  • "Internal Memo #3932 Overnight Pay Advance for Jacob Gerber" - First, I want to know who in the Clerk's Office is leaking internal memos. Second, I want to know who is taking the time to write internal memos about the pay rates of Legislative Pages. Third, I want to know why there is a numbering system for such memos. Fourth, I want to know how dumb these people think I am.
  • "Are these dates free?" - That's a good question. Delteated!
  • "Christian home refinancing do it the christian way" - The "christian" way? Is that a little more perverse than the "Christian" way? Does this in some way include a demigod named "christ"? Intriguing...

So far, this has all been nothing to cause a flagrant system error or anything, but I really wonder how spammers make money. After all, I would never, ever buy anything that was advertised through a spam message. Second, I rarely even open the messages because the subject lines are such dead giveaways as to their origin that they aren't worth my time. What fools out there are creating this niche?

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Jacob! Hey, Jacob, can I borrow your fondue pot again?

Personally Jacob, I sometimes open spam out of morbid curiosity. Recently I got one that said "Christian Modest Dress Designs" and naturally, I clicked on the link. So where would I be now without my spring calico prairie dress??

I had forgotten the reference to the fondue pot in the arcade game Strong Bad e-mail. I had also forgotten how much time I spent playing it when it first came out. What a great game!

Actually, my post was alluding to (however lamely) Strong Bad's 50th e-mail.

"Man, that's one big adding machine."

Aaaaahhhhh! You're the problem! I feel so betrayed.

I didn't think it was a lame allusion, Jacob... I actually got it. I just think it's hilarious that Homestar borrowing Strong Bad's fondue pot is a running gag.

Thanks for a much-needed laugh; that was hilarious. (How's my semicolon use? I am but a humble music major, after all.)

I, too, wrote a post about the subjects of my spam. Fun stuff. It won't be long now before I have truly sold the soul of my Yahoo! account to various sites and will have to close it down completely.

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